An Alternative Peppa Pig Script

Narrator: It's a lovely sunny day and Peppa and George are playing in the garden.

Peppa: I'm better at jumping up and down in muddy puddles than you are. You're rubbish.

[GEORGE KICKS PEPPA, PEPPA RUNS INSIDE CRYING]

Narrator: Mummy Pig is in the kitchen, wondering what happened to her life.

Mummy Pig: What's the matter, Peppa?

Peppa: George kicked me!

Mummy Pig: Jesus wept, can you two not play nicely for five minutes?

George: NO

Peppa: NO

Mummy Pig: I'm calling Daddy Pig.

[MUMMY PIG DIALS DADDY PIG'S WORK. DADDY PIG ANSWERS]

Daddy Pig: Hello, Daddy Pig speaking

Mummy Pig: Why haven't you replied to my texts Daddy Pig? What time will you be home?

Daddy Pig: Ahhh, I forgot to tell you ... I'm working late.

Mummy Pig: Are you shitting me, Daddy Pig?

Daddy Pig: [laughs] Ho ho ho! I'm afraid not, Mummy Pig. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way home?

Mummy Pig: Wine.

[MUMMY PIG HEADS BACK INTO THE GARDEN]

Mummy Pig: Peppa, George - what do you want to do until Daddy Pig comes home?

Peppa: Let's sing the Bing Bong song!

George: Bong bing boo, bing bong bing, bing bong bingly bongly boo (x2)

[MUMMY PIG POKES HER EYES OUT]

The end.